Dear guests, please gather around, the tour is about to begin. You have all remembered to bring silverware, I hope? Excellent. It is, of course, your good silverware, passed down from your grandmother and polished free of tarnish, the real silver, not the strange conglomeration of metals that they use today. Very good.
No, no reason. It is merely... appropriate to use the real thing.
We shall begin our tour here, in the cemetery, at the grave of that famous Southern belle Shawn of Everything and Nothing. Miss Shawn was known far and wide for her superior conversational and cooking skills. Families would travel from all over the world to sample such delights as her adorable Cheesy Goblin Head, very suitable to the season.
How did she die? Anemia, I believe... very odd, seeing as she loved to cook with red meat.
Let us move on. The gravedigger is most hospitable and has cooked us a stake... excuse me. Of course I meant a steak, as in Steak with Porcini Cream Sauce. I must be thinking of something else.
Oh how lovely, Professor. You've included the garlic. I think that is most wise. And you have invited Scribbit to contribute? What is this called? Dracula's Revenge? What an unusual name.
What a satisfying stop that was. Our next stop will be the Montaigne house, the site of a most unusual mystery. They say that one day the whole family was found in the house, deeply asleep... much like Sleeping Beauty, don't you think? My mother always blamed the heating system. So prosaic. For some reason, nobody seems to remember what happened to the family after that— they were sent off to some institution, I believe, and the upper floors fell into disrepair.
Oh, it's perfectly safe. See, Slow Cooker Recipes has even left some Mulled Cider for us. There is also Harvest Pumpkin Bread from Mama, Baked Penne With Roasted Vegetables from A Penny Closer, and Comfort Food from Tea Party Girl. Just have a seat and...
Oh. Oh my. No, I did not know about that hidden door. How very clever of you to find the catch in that bookshelf.
Shall we see where it goes?
Oh yes, of course. After we eat.
Why yes, of course I could use a flashlight. I even have one, just in case. But it is so much more interesting to use a lantern, don't you think?
Yes, it does seem remarkably free of dust. Almost as though someone were expecting us. And... do you see a light? A faint glow, up ahead? Just around the corner? Shall we go see?
Oh! How perfectly marvelous! Halloween Werewolf Claws! How lovely of Recipes Recipe to think of setting this up! Now to dig in...
Don't be silly. They're made of chicken.
The full moon was last week, and everyone knows that werewolf goes bad after two days.
What a sweet little trick, to set up a snack in the hidden passage. And just look where this comes out— the lounge. Smarter Dollar has prepared a whole range of Halloween Drinks... none for me, thank you... and Rickey has made us some wonderful Bloody Mary drinks from scratch, as is only proper.
And those of you who have been feeling a little unsure about this house, please, assuage your feelings be going after the Edible Haunted House. It is, after all, a season for sweets.
Our next stop is a pumpkin patch reputed to be that of the farmer... what was his name? The one who reputedly punished the ill-will and thievery of his neighbors through magical pumpkin muffins. Oh, you hadn't heard that story? I don't think I shall tell it right now. It might make you nervous.
Pancake Recipes has prepared some lovely Pumpkin Pecan Pancakes with Roasted Pears for this stop. BCS Frenzy has kindly offered Smokey Roasted Pumpkin Seeds And Straight From the Farm has supplied little Pumpkin Popups.
Why, of course those popups are not, strictly, muffins. Besides, you are not ungrateful, are you?
Now, because our hosts were unwilling to make your life too pumpkiny, a few of them have provided some lovely counterpoints. Bean Sprouts, in the UK, discovered that pumpkins are sometimes not available for love or money. She has provided a lovely Mock Pumpkin Soup recipe that her friends prefer to the real thing. [Note for Americans: a swede is that vegetable sold as a rutabaga.] A Weight Lifted felt that a little World Series Bean Bakeoff would be just the thing, and I must admit that those refried beans look perfectly marvelous. Disease-Proof felt, quite rightly, that by Bringin' da Salad they would be doing us all quite a favor.
And now, dear guests, we shall be visiting a number of these historic houses to do a little trick-or-treating of our own. Despite what some silly people say, trick-or-treating does not have its roots in Celtic mythology, nor is it a strange pagan ritual having anything to do with souls. It is an American invention, an institution started by community groups in the early 20th century as a means of controlling Mischief Night, the traditional yearly pranking of All Hallow's Eve. The thinking was that by flooding the streets with people, those who were preparing the nastier, sometimes deadly, pranks would not dare to do such under the public eye.
Oh, don't mind me. It just amuses me to see folks ranting about the evil history of trick-or-treating, a tradition that was, in part, started by groups such as the Boy Scouts.
Let us begin here, at this cozy little cottage. Hello, Seabird dear, what an amusing set of bear suits. Porridge? How appropriate! And such a good, solid base for our later sweets.
Oh! I didn't expect a party here... Why, thank you! We would love to come in. Look, SugarLaw has brought her meltingly soft Oatmeal Currant Cookies. And the Men In Aprons brought Chocolate Chip Pecan Scones, how divine. There's some Chocolate Mousse over there, under the "Fake It Till You Learn To Make It" sign, Black Cat Cupcakes from Chef Tom, and look! Leader Ladies have brought a whole passel of Halloween Treats For Kids.
Ohh. I'm so full. Perhaps if we walk to the far houses, out at the end of the road, we'll have enough appetite.
Club Mom of Readable Feast has offered to tell us of Magical Meerkats as we walk. And she's brought Dulce Du Leche Bat Cookies.
Let us stop at Jennie's before we Ramble too far... I'm sorry, I'm getting a little punchy. She's brought us some lovely Candy Sushi, suitable for your little goblins. And World Famous Recipes has brought out a somewhat early Christmas Trifle, suitable for all holidays.
Well! I admit, that was quite a food tour. Far more treats than tricks, I hope you agree. Please, come back to visit anytime. Just bring your silverware, particularly if it's a full moon.
No reason. No reason at all.
Mock Pumpkin Soup
Oatmeal Currant Cookies
Chocolate Chip Pecan Scones
Fake It Till You Learn To Make It Chocolate Mousse
Dulce De Leche Bat Cookies
Harvest Pumpkin Bread
Steak with Porcini Cream Sauce
World Series Bean Bakeoff
Christmas (Holiday) Trifle
Porridge, as in Goldilocks
Bringin' da Salad
Halloween Treats For Kids
Black Cat Cupcakes
Edible Haunted House
Halloween Werewolf Chicken Claws
Crockpot Mulled Cider
Pumpkin Pecan Pancakes with Roasted Pears
Baked Penne With Roasted Vegetables
Smokey Roasted Pumpkin Seeds
Cheesy Goblin Head