Twice-Baked Potatoes

You will need:
4 large russet potatoes, scrubbed
2 slices bacon
1/2 cup diced bell pepper
1/3 cup chopped yellow onion
1 cup thinly sliced mushrooms
3/4 cup grated cheddar
milk
salt & pepper

Preheat oven (or toaster oven) to 425°. Pierce the potatos with a fork and bake for 60 minutes (70 if they're *really* large.) While baking, cook bacon in a skillet over medium-low heat. Dry the cooked bacon on paper towels; drain most of the bacon grease out of the skillet. Over medium heat, sauté the pepper and onion for about five minutes; add mushrooms and cook for an additional five. Chop up the bacon* and add it to the mix; remove from heat.

When potatoes are done, reduce the heat to 350° and remove potatoes from oven. Slice off tops of potatoes and scoop out the insides - I usually just cut them in half lengthwise, actually - and mash the insides in a largish bowl. Add salt and pepper to taste, then mash in the milk, 1/2 cup of the cheese, and the vegetable mix. Put the mashed mixture back into the skins and put them on a baking sheet. Or, if you are not inclined to be fussy, just scoop the potato mixture into a casserole dish and parcel out the potato skins to hungry kids around the kitchen. Sprinkle the rest of the cheese over the top. Bake in the oven for approximately 20 minutes. Serves four, or the two of us. We really like potatoes.

*I make this recipe seldom enough that I cook a lot of bacon and freeze the remainder; heat the chopped frozen bacon with the veggies in a little butter.

$25 Brownies

The title of this recipe comes from a charity auction, where every plate sold for $25. If I ever get the recipe for the $200 cheesecake, be sure I will post that too.
You will need:
A large bowl
A mixer or a willingness to stir
A greased 9x13 pan
-
1 brownie mix + whatever it calls for (or use your own brownie recipe)
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 egg
1 cup chocolate chips

Mix all ingredients thoroughly. Bake for the longest time on the mix box; add five minutes if necessary. You will end up with dense, chocolatey brownies. You may have to use a spoon to get them out.

Insanely Easy Chocolate Cherry Cake

You will need:
Mixing bowl
Greased cake pan (or pans for large batch)
-
1 chocolate cake mix
1 egg
1 can cherry pie filling

Ignore the directions on the box except for the oven temperature. Mix all the ingredients and pour into the pans; bake for the longest time on the box.

That's it.

Fajitas With Pineapple Salsa

You will need:
a sharp knife
a broiler (oven or toaster oven)
1 package stir-fry cut meat (beef, chicken, or pork) or the equivalent amount to cut yourself
2 medium bell peppers, red preferred
1 large red onion
flour tortillas
-
lime juice, 1/4 cup from bottle or three limes
2 tsp olive oil
chili powder
cumin
-
1 small can crushed pineapple
diced red bell pepper
green onions
red pepper flakes

In a ziploc bag, mix the lime juice, olive oil, and equal parts cumin and chili powder (approximately two shakes each.) Drop the meat strips in and make sure the bag is well sealed before shaking it; marinate in the refrigerator for at least half an hour. (If you have foresight, put it in the day before.) Wedge the red onion and cut the bell peppers into wide strips. Preheat the broiler. While waiting for the meat to marinate, get a small bowl. Drain the crushed pineapple into a glass; you probably won't need the juice because it's impossible to drain the pineapple thoroughly, but you can drink it. :) Mix the pineapple with the diced bell pepper and dice some green onions (use both the root ends and the stalk ends) into the mix. The heat of the salsa is directly dependent upon the amount of red pepper flakes - add them to your taste. (If you like your salsa firey, add some diced jalepeño or habañero pepper to the mix.)

Broil the meat for 10-12 minutes, turning once. Put the meat aside and broil the onion and pepper strips until lightly charred - about 8 minutes. Divide up into flour tortillas; add the pineapple salsa. Serves about six.

*Try some other fruit-based salsas yourself. I know of at least one burrito place (Sonic Burrito in Spokane, Washington) that tried all manner of salsas - my husband raved about their strawberry salsa. Just subsitute varying types of fruit, peppers, and onions in the recipe above and enjoy the results.

Omelette AKA Scrambled Eggs With Stuff In

The virtue of this recipe is that if you screw up the first, you make the second. Don't laugh, but I was 25 before successfully making an omelette since nobody had ever bothered to tell me how.

You will need:
A medium frying pan
A big flat spatula
A sharp knife
-
3/4 cup EggBeaters or generic equivalent (or three eggs; 1 egg per quarter cup)
Small amount of milk
Green onions
Small tomato
Cheddar cheese, grated
Cooked ham or bacon bits (optional)

Grease the pan. I don't care if it's non-stick, do it. (Besides, if it's a high-quality pan, the things they do to make it last longer decrease the effectiveness of the non-stick anyway.) Dice all the ingredients into small pieces; remove the tomato pulp. Pour the EggBeaters or beaten eggs with milk into the pan and put it over medium-high heat. Add salt and pepper if you are so inclined; you can drop the green onions in at this time.

This is the important step. As the bottom gets cooked, lift the edges up with the spatula and let the uncooked egg run under them. (Nobody ever told me this!) This is what insures a thoroughly cooked omelette. Once it is cooked through, you drop the remaining ingredients on one half of the omelette, fold it over, and put on your plate. (Save a little of the grated cheese to throw on top. It will melt from the residual heat.) Serves one for a hearty breakfast.

If the omelette sticks to the pan or breaks apart while cooking, just break it up further with the spatula and insist you meant to do it as scrambled eggs all along.

If you don't like the ingredients as listed, try some variants, such as mushroom-jack-bell pepper, or three-cheese.

Blame It On the Vinaigrette Salad

Last night I was in the supermarket and realized that their choice of salad dressings was appallingly limited. I mean really appalling - they didn't even have variants of the standards, just ranch, french, catalina, and italian. But wait - what's that? Raspberry Walnut Vinaigrette? At least that's interesting... but the salad I had in mind would never go with that. So here's the one I came up with last night.

You will need:
A very sharp chef's knife or vegetable knife (sharpness is your friend)
-
Lettuce (green, red, romaine, iceberg, or a combination of all of the above)
Medium cucumber
Celery
Granny Smith apple
Green onions (or leeks or scallions)
-
Chopped walnuts
A tiny tub of crumbled feta cheese
Dried cranberries (optional)
Raspberry Walnut Vinaigrette

The simplest way I have found to measure how much salad you will need is to place the bowls in front of you and fill them as you go.

Chop a handful of each main ingredient for each bowl into pieces no bigger than the last joint of your thumb. (Do two handfuls of the lettuce.) Sprinkle some walnuts on top; crumble a little feta over that. (Unless you're cooking for ten, it is likely you will have copious feta leftovers.) Throw on the cranberries if you are so inclined. Droozle a tiny bit of the raspberry vinaigrette over the top; it doesn't take more than a tablespoon. Eat. Serves as many people as you've made bowls for, unless somebody mentions that they don't like feta.

Tomato and Onion Pie

Okay, first thing you have to do is get that mental picture out of your mind. It's pie as in Shepherd's Pie, not Apple Pie.

You will need:
Frying pan or wok
Oven or toaster oven big enough to take a pie
Sharp knives
One frozen pie crust
One medium yellow or white onion
One medium to large tomato (and store-bought is okay, for once)
Cheddar cheese
Small can of black olives
Olive oil
Dijon mustard

Prepare the frozen pie crust according to the package directions for a one-crust pie. (In other words, pre-bake it so it doesn't become a soggy mess.) Slice the onion into fine pieces*. Over medium to medium-high heat, fry the onions in a little olive oil, turning constantly until soft and almost caramelized. (You can turn the heat down so as to prevent burning - it will take longer.) Spread a thin layer of dijon mustard in the pie crust. Dump the onion in on top. Wedge the tomato (cut from the center) and arrange atop the onions. Grate cheese on top; spread some black olives on the cheese. Bake for 5-10 minutes in the oven (at the temperature directed by the pie crust directions) until the cheese is melted and the tomato warmed through.

I have to warn you, it looks horrible. Gallery of Regrettable Food level horrible. But it tastes so good that one gourmet-loving friend of mine who was brave enough to sample my leftovers declared that he'd always be up for it.

Serves four people, unless they're hungry.

*Onions are notorious for making people cry. Three things that help are 1) soaking the onion in ice water for 5-10 minutes before slicing; 2) keeping your knife extra sharp; and 3) having a well-ventilated area. But you will still get irritated eyes.